BLUE RINSE The following article is a transcript from a BIFXXX interview with Ron Schmathers, later day king-pin of the adult entertainment industry.

'So there I was, 15 years as big player in the leisure publishing industry but unable to get a foothold in the magazine world. Magazines were multiplying like a stadium of mathematics geeks on speed...and it was all flesh. Cleavage dirt stained the cover of every new title, fronted by some silicon halfwit with thirty seconds of cable TV airtime under her G-string. Let me tell you, years ago, men's magazines were...strictly for wankers: city lads, proto yuppies, literate rugby players. But now the whole Schtick had turned right around. The new men's mags weren't just for wankers, they were for wanking over: the FHMs, the Loadeds, the Maxims. Even the paper they were printed on was especially absorbent.

So, a year ago, I was pumped up and ready to start up my own adult magazine. But these guys had stolen all my moves. So I looked into their market. I launched a men's mag aimed at sophisticated professionals. It was called T & A, which stood for 'Tits and Arse', you know, I thought, let's cut straight to the chase. But that failed. My next project was a funky street rag called 'Awesome Blowjob' but no luck there either. And then it dawned on me. The market was as saturated as a Kings Cross alleyway after Friday night closing. Young men were getting al the action. So, what about the Codgers, the old geezers who could still pitch a tent. What were they reading.

Two months later, on pension day, the first edition of 'Blue Rinse', the new porn mag for pensioners hit the news stands. It was a pretty standard format: in depth features, readers' wives, tips for sexual gymnastics with your zimmer frame, walking stick S & M, how to get 69s down the Bingo hall. We sold 100,000 in our first month. I had a stockpile of pensioner pictures featuring more wrinkles than an elephant's balls. It was a damn shame when we got shut down. After the 2nd edition the Department of Trade and Industry said our lead feature, which was an expose of celebrity colostomy bag contents, was worthy of a fine…but the centerpage Barbara Cartland bush shots left them with no alternative. Mmmn, shame really.'